Weirdest dream ever.

I've had some really weird dreams lately. One I remeber more than the others is a bit weird...
So I live with my parents now, and we were to look after my brother's snake (he doesn't have one in real life...)
We were all scared of it, and we could here it hissing. After a while it sounded like it was hurt in some way, but we were still terrified of it. So we locked it in our big bathroom, laying in the bath tub. Still hissing.
Suddenly it sounded like the snake threw up, and I felt so sorry for it, I had to open the door and check. It had indeed thrown up...
My dad went in, and picked up the snake to see if he could find what was wrong with it. When he did it bit him in the face several times. But it was like he didn't react, or reacted very slowly. So it kept biting.
Then all of a sudden, we were on a beach. But it totally made sense in the dream.
And by now the snake was something scary escaping, and we let it escape. It even looked different, was sort of made out of skulls and balls in the same size but different colours... I even counted and I remember seeing 4 balls and 5 or 6 skulls.
And then I threw up something green with the texture of ricotta cheese.

Then I woke up.

Weird huh???

5/11

I've been back in Sweden since a couple of weeks now and I've developed a kind of addiction to Ebay and doing my nails. Quite fun actually! I also started helping my mum out with the sales of products by Zelected by Houze. It's not very well-known, but they have great stuff!

Still looking for my creative channel, no luck so far.

I thought this blog needed some more photos, here you go!

I was always good at finding these!

Ebay find, nail caviar

Mallorca

Mallorca

Itteh bitteh kitteh 

19/9

I've been thinking, what can make me feel more (if not happyness) harmony. I wanna be more hippie-like. Get enegergy, harmony and life from nature. Well, a little bit atleast?

I wanna start painting and do some other creative stuff. I need some channel to express myself. Not that a have any useful talent, but anyway.

I miss the times when I breathed in through my nose, overlooking something really nice, for example the mountains in Blue Montains, and I could feel complete harmony. And I thought; yeah this is what it is all about. THAT'S what I want. No worries in the world. I want it back. 

Something to help me along the way perhaps

4/8

4/8

Today I was walking home from the beach, alone like I normally do. My mind went on and on, like it does every now and then. Sometimes the inside of my head is another universe, and I tend to get lost in there. It’s like I don’t see or hear what’s going on in the real world. Today was one of those days.

And I thought, I better write this down, this is some good stuff. I haven’t written anything in my blog since I got here. Mallorca that is.

But, not surprising, the thoughts disappeared as I woke up to reality, when I had to realise I’m here in the real world, and where did I put my keys again...

So here I am, with the urge to write something, for the sake of writing... But I do have the sensations left, that sometimes stay after one of these thought-marathons...

The sense of being lost, and in a hurry to find my way.

Mallorca. Yup that’s where I am. Mallorca, where loads of people spend ridiculous (if you ask me) amounts of money to stay for a week or two. Here I am, and it’s a beautiful place be. A beautiful place to be miserable. But I am. I usually get along well with people, but this is what’s making me out of place. I can’t be myself here, with anyone. I can’t just relax and feel safe, I can’t just... be. You know, just be without doing or saying anything. So that’s when I go to the beach. If I don’t have to work obviously. I’ve found my own spot where there’s not a lot of people. I can go swimming without losing my things of sight. And I read a lot. I love reading!

I count the days. Its 11 days left until my parents come visit me! I’ve asked for an extra day off that week. Hopefully I’ll get it... its 77 days left until I can go home (I’m kinda guessing on the dates but this is what I’m going for).

Home. That’s another chill going up my spine. I remember the terror, true terror, i felt when I used to think about going home. A year ago. How I cried for days and days. But now, it’s a better choice than this. But I won’t settle.

I’m starting to feel a bit panicky. What am I going to do?! Where do I want to be? What do I want to make out of my life? I’m getting too old for this, for not knowing, for not having control or power of my own life and choices. If I want to make something out of this short time on earth, I better start now. Anything that will take me anywhere will take a long time. Have to decide, have to start getting somewhere. Don’t get stuck.

But what if I make the wrong choice? What if I sign up for something, and regret the decision?

Can I please soon come to think about anything that’s not pathetic please? This blog is the longest list of complaints I have seen. And confusion.

Fuck.

10 days

On an other note, it's 10 days until I leave for Mallorca! Yay!

I'm excited to go, but I'm a little nervous. It's gonna be a lot of work. But at least it's gonna be fun work.
I've had a lot to do lately, with my email hacked, switching rooms, my other job and what not. Hopefully I have time for I'm gonna have to make time for my friends and some studying now!


Oh! Have you tried translating "........." from any language to Japanese? Then hit the little icon where you can hear the translation. Then giggle.

Spread the love

Lately there's been a lot of anger and hate around Malmö and Sweden. For example, a few weeks ago, on the International Women's Day a group of people were attacked by a buch of nazis. What the hell?! It's 2014! The world have never been this small, and we've never been as connected before now. We are educated, we know we are all the same. How can this happen?

And three days ago, on Sunday, a football supporter was beaten to death in Helsingborg. The reason? He was supporting the other team. Apparently wearing a different shirt is now linked to death... He was a father of four children. Sport is not supposed to be about life and death. And the ironic(?) thing is, this happened way before the game even started. What the fuck.

See, these things don't just happen out of the blue. There is, and have been for some time, some weird hate propaganda and culture spreading like cancer through this society. And this isn't just happening in Sweden, it's all around the world. Anti-democratic partys are getting more votes in Europe (isn't that ironic?), the anti-gay bill in Uganda, and what on earth is going on with Russia?!

Now I'm not the person with the magic answer to how to solve this. Politics is not reallt my thing, because frankly, injustice pisses me off (probably not a good way to handle it).

All I'm trying to say is, can't we just agree on loving eachother? And when me meet strangers, whether it's on the bus or at the bar, meet them with love. Instead of seeing strangers as something bad, think about everything this person can give you. Knowledge, company, curiosity... Friendship. Even a fifteen minute freindship on the way to work counts. Imagine what a boost that will be for the both of you. I've always believed that every person you have a conversation with makes you grow as a person.

So, people. Spread the love.

Over and out.

Dreams

I seem to have quite a turbulent sleeping pattern. Which in an way is quite interesting, because now I have all these weird dreams. And I thought, since not much else it worth writing about, why not write about some of my dreams? Often when I wake up I want to go straight back to sleep, to get back to wherever I was in the dream.

So last night I was dreaming I was back in Melbourne. I don't know how or why, but I was on Bourke street, busking! So if I remeber it all correctly, someone had taught me how to sing again, and boy did it sound good! I was wearing bright red lipstick and felt absolutley gorgeuos! We were a group of about five people playing 1950's style music and making loads of money, which I later was spending on travelling to Broome in Western Australia. Although, I woke up before I could go there.

Another dream, perhaps a day dream, is about sittting on a sailing boat with my legs hanging outside of the edge. The sun is shining, it's nice and warm. I'm wearing a bikini and drinking a beer, sometimes it's a cocktail with one of those tiny umbrellas. I hear reggae music. Every now and then a wave splash over the boat and cools me down.
Now, I'm not entirely sure where I am. It may be Southeast Asia, the Caribbean, just outside of India... The place is not important, it's more about total relaxation.

There is this one dream, where I'm writing down my bucket list. On the list I remember writing things like:

• Swim in Devil's Pool, Victoria Falls
• Shark Cage Diving South Arfica
• Eat guinea pig South America (where did that come from???)
• Colour Festival India
• Go hiking in the very North of Sweden

Of course there are way more things on the list. There are so many things that I can't find a proper place to write it all down. No piece of paper big enough, the notes in my phone won't hold enough caracters etc. And so I wake up, and my whole day is ruined.

I dream about all these amazing places I want to go to, and wake up to see that I'm getting nowhere.

If I were to analyze this, it's quite obvious I want to travel around the world. Or, just get away from Sweden perhaps. But before everyone thinks I hate my own country (I do say that myself sometimes, but I'm not sure I mean it) I just want to say that you can love a place from a distance. Some people feel at home at some places and some people at other. It might not always be the certain city, region, country... I think, in my case, it's the person I am here. I'm lazy, unhealthy, bitter, unfocused. While traveling I was happy, curious, free. See, my challenge is to be my happy self. But in a place where I'm used to be the bitter one, I find it so difficult.

I need new experiences, see new things. I need the warmth of the sun. I need people who can teach me new things.

Can traveling be addictive? Did I get massive adrenaline rushes that i got hooked on? Am I on rehab now?

Maybe I want to be hooked? Or is that just an addict talking?

Now, this update didn't really turn out the way I though it would, but that's what happens when I let the words flow. It's a sort of cleansing of my mind, getting rid of all the rubbish stuck in there.

And speaking of stuff in my mind, wouldn't it be awesome to go to Germany and get drunk, then go to some awesome nightclub where they played Blümchen and Scooter all night? That would be bananas!

Also: hairless cats are cool. Potato.

Now my brain is empty. Yay.

M&M's and dictatorship

Whenever I eat M&M's I feel powerful. But powerful in a horrible dictator kind of way...
I always make sure to eat the grey ones first (that might have been some limited thing, I'm not sure). After that I count them, and which ever colour there are the fewest of, I will devour. So I guess I don't like M&M minorities... Sometime I feel bad, like I'm some sugar version of Hitler, but then the red ones go "naah mate, get rid of 'em!" (apparently they call me mate... maybe I should worry more abot that than the Hitler thing...?)
When I've exterminated all colours but two, there's a battle. I put them back in the bag so I can't see which ones I'm picking up. Then I eat one at the time. The last M&M alive determine the superior race.

Zombie

I am not alive nor dead. I am undead. My mind is drained. I feel nothing. I dream of another life, yet I am too lazy to do anything for it to happen. I am bored as hell, but can't seem to get my ass off the couch. My body is not working with me; being ill, aching, feeling numb.

And therefore my friends, I can now present to you that I am in fact a zombie. A fucking zombie.

And yes, it feels good to use bad language at the moment. And if it bothers you, go eat a bag of dicks (one of my favorite borrowed expressions ). I may be a little inspired by the Wolf of Wallstreet movie today, since I saw it yesterday. (At least regarding the language).

Anyway. I can't wait until my tour guide job begins. That will make me do something with my time, and wake me up perhaps. Along with good weather and seeing a new place, being busy with work will probably be good for me.

I wish I can start saving some money before the end of this year though. There are so many places I want to see, and it takes forever to save enough to go away for a few months.



This blog is kinda boring, so here's a random music video...

Whining

There's a lot of things going on in my life at the moment, but at the same time absolutely nothing. I don't really know what I'm doing. It really scares me that I've been home for almost four months now. Whenever I day dream, which is a lot, I think about the life I had in Australia. I was so happy. So many nights I woke up from a really bad nightmare. I was dreaming about suddenly being home again, and it totally freaked me out. But here I am...

So what is up now? Hmm. Well I do have a job, it doesn't pay enough for me to be able to save anything though. That job really doesn't suit me. But I got another job as a tour guide, I'm going to Mallorca this summer, that will be fun! However, I wont be able to save any money from that job either, but at least it's a chance to get away a little bit. And a great source to get experiences.

I'm trying not to make this too whiney, so enough about that.

I've been thinking a lot about why I was so happy in Australia, and apparently so unhappy here. I'm not sure it's totally based on the actual place. But maybe the nature, the people I met, the weather etc were all added to the Martina who felt free? And whenever I stop and think about what my day dreams are about, they all end up with a life in Australia.

Yesterday I was all about going back and study tourism, and later become a travel agent or advisor. That would be a dream job! And every now and then take some time off work and actually go travel and see the places my costumers get to see.
But I found out studying in Australia is extremely expensive, and I just don't know how I will ever be able to afford it, since I'm just not able to save anything.
But then I thought, what if I, after a few seasons at Mallorca, go to Australia as a tour guide and then somehow work my way as to become a travel agent. But then again, that seems impossible too. I would have to be sponsored to be able to stay. And I don't see that ever happening, after all, there are a few more travel agents they can hire without having to pay for them. I'd have to be amazing for that to happen...


Yeah, way to go, it did end up whiney after all.